[CW]

My partner sometimes calls me “The correct ghost.” 

The nickname comes from a time when I overheard a problematic word choice from across a house and shouted a correction. When I came to join him he asked if I was “The politically correct ghost,” to which I said “Nope, just the correct ghost.” The nickname stuck.

So when his 8-year-old daughter, who is white like her dad and like me, asked me last weekend why police kill Black people, I paused before answering and explained the history of policing in the U.S. – that they started as slave patrols and continue to protect wealth and whiteness; and the culture of policing – like the bullies at school who enforce one another’s violence - just like why you don’t often hear stories of “good apples” stopping a “bad apple” from killing a Black person.

Her response was fury and confusion. “WHY?! We’re all people! Why would you kill a person for the color of their skin?!” 

It’s not the first time we’ve had conversations like these and I know it’s far from the last. So when we feel like things are spinning out of control with police murders of Daunte Wright and Adam Toledo, here is a list of 3 lists to keep us grounded and keep our inner fire lit:

1. What are 3 things I’m doing to heal or improve my mental health?
2. What are 3 things I’m doing to support victims, their families, or community?
3. What are 3 ways I would like to respond in the immediate aftermath of devastating events?

Here are examples of my first response to each question:

1. What are 3 things I’m doing to heal or improve my mental health?

Therapy: Discussing my own role, historically, in contributing to white supremacy and how I can stop doing it and intentionally invest my energy towards fighting it. 

1. What are 3 things I’m doing to support victims, their families, or community?

Sent money directly to Chyna, mother of Duante Wright Jr. (LINK)

1. What are 3 ways I would like to respond in the immediate aftermath of devastating events?

Pause before reacting - close all technology and take a few deep breaths. 

I want to be very clear that these are not isolated incidents, and an individualistic response will never be able to meet the demands of the moment. 

AND, this is lifelong work to root out white supremacy and it’s been around a whole lot longer than any of us alive today. We need all of us to contribute, and in order to do that, white folks especially need to stay grounded enough to stay in the fight for the long haul. 

Black Lives Matter. We got this.

Julia